What’s in your backpack…?
At DHP we use the metaphor of the backpack and what we carry. There are the tangible items; food, water, shelter, first aid, navigation, etc. We also carry our emotions and experiences. It is the intangibles that can really weigh us down. Do we carry shame, self doubt, lack of confidence, trauma or maybe we are just coming into self awareness?
What I carry in my backpack now is very different from what I have in the past. People pleasing and toxic relationships used to weigh me down and wear me out. There was a lot to unpack around those self defeating behaviors - such as feelings of shame and the fear of being alone.
I spent countless hours, endless miles and shed many tears on trails. Nature seemed to call me, the forest embraced me and held space for me to heal. (Along with a great therapist).
When I became truly mindful, I set an intention to choose who and what I kept, removed and added to my life. I removed (even blocked) toxic people who didn't respect my boundaries and let go of the guilt that maybe I wasn't being “nice”. What I discovered was peacefulness.
The journey hasn't been easy and like many trails we hike, there were false peaks and self doubt. There were years I felt unsettled and knew I was in a liminal space and time.
There was a particular day on the trail, I was struggling with gratitude. I could not feel gratitude even though I knew that there was so much in my life to be grateful for. I came across a mountain laurel blooming on the side of the path, and the sunlight illuminated the perfection of the flowers. Whatever I was missing was found at that moment. I was filled with gratitude and sheer awe. Every time I see a mountain laurel, I am reminded of the impact of that moment. I am reminded how nature heals. I think at that moment the seed for Dogwood Healing Pathways was planted in my heart. I was lost and then found myself. Now I carry confidence, self worth and an endless sense of awe and curiosity. There is joy and laughter. My pack is much lighter and I continue to let go and lay down the weight of my past experiences.
We all are the authors of our stories, no one else gets to define us. When we live from a place of courage, bravery, mindfulness and self awareness, we build the bridge to our authentic selves.
