Healing Core Wounds: Understanding Attachment Styles and Finding Growth
As the holiday season approaches, it often becomes a time of connection with family and loved ones. While these gatherings can be joyful, they can also stir up emotions tied to core wounds—those deep-seated vulnerabilities shaped in our formative years. Whether you're aware of these wounds or not, the holidays may shine a light on patterns or dynamics you’ve carried into adulthood.
The Role of Attachment Styles
A crucial component of how we navigate relationships lies in our attachment style. Rooted in our early experiences with caregivers—often our parents—attachment styles reflect the ways we connect, communicate, and respond emotionally in relationships. Childhood traumas like parental addiction, abuse, divorce, or loss can leave lasting marks, creating core wounds we may carry unconsciously.
This is not about blaming our parents. Most parents do the best they can with the tools they have. But for the sake of your well-being and your relationships, it’s vital to examine how those early dynamics might still impact you. Understanding and addressing these influences isn’t disloyal—it’s transformative and essential for growth.
The Four Attachment Styles
Attachment theory outlines four main attachment styles:
Secure Attachment
People with a secure attachment style feel comfortable with intimacy and closeness. They can communicate their needs and boundaries effectively, creating a solid foundation for healthy relationships. Research shows that this style is the best predictor of happiness in relationships.Anxious Attachment
Those with an anxious attachment style often fear abandonment. They may crave constant validation, approval, and reassurance, seeking closeness in ways that can feel overwhelming to their partners.Avoidant Attachment
Avoidant individuals can be divided into Dismissive Avoidant (pushing others away and valuing independence over connection) and Fearful Avoidant (struggling with conflicting desires for closeness and self-protection). Both subtypes may find it challenging to fully engage emotionally.Disorganized Attachment
Often stemming from significant trauma or neglect, this style combines elements of both anxious and avoidant behaviors. It can manifest as erratic or inconsistent emotional responses, making relationships particularly challenging.
The common thread among insecure attachment styles is emotional immaturity. Without addressing these patterns, individuals may find themselves drawn to relationships with emotionally unavailable or toxic partners, such as those exhibiting narcissistic or borderline traits.
Healing and Growth
Healing begins with awareness. Acknowledging your attachment style and its roots in early experiences allows you to address limiting beliefs—the inner critic that whispers, “I’m not enough” or “I’m flawed.” Moving through these beliefs requires courage, vulnerability, and, often, support.
At DHP, we believe that healing is most effective when done in partnership. It takes 60% less energy to process emotions and heal with someone by your side. This could be a coach, therapist, or supportive community.
Nature is another powerful teacher. Trails, with their challenges and triumphs, mirror life’s journey. They teach resilience, push us past false peaks, and remind us that progress is often incremental but deeply rewarding.
Forgiveness and Emotional Maturity
In my coaching sessions, we focus on:
Identifying and challenging limiting beliefs.
Working through shame and self-doubt.
Embracing forgiveness—not just for others but for yourself.
Emotional maturity doesn’t mean ignoring discomfort; it means learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings and allowing them to guide you toward healing. By doing this work, you’re not just transforming your own life—you’re creating healthier dynamics for your current relationships and future generations.
This holiday season, take a moment to reflect: What is your attachment style? How can you begin to heal your inner child and move toward secure, fulfilling connections?
Growth starts with the decision to look inward. Let this season be one of self-discovery, healing, and renewal.
If you'd like to explore this further or need support on your journey, I’d be honored to walk alongside you. Together, we can move past those false peaks toward the fulfilling relationships and life you deserve. Contact Mary at Mary@dogwoodhealingpathways to set up our coaching appointment today!
